So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
