i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize