I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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