I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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