Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
