It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
