can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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