He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
