wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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