I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
