I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize