Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize