Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
