yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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