how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the day after is always just damage control
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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