Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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