This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
