at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
