got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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