Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
