Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
