Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
