My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
false alarm, still single
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize