I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
