Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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