At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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