Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
