im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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