question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
