Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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