I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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