I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
