your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
