My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
