No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
