The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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