You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
