Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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