Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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