KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's never too late to be topless.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
