i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
