yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
