I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
