yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my being single is dangerous.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
