Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
