we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
