apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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