I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My dick has a subreddit
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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