so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
