I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize