Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
