Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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