i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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