Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
