I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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