So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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