We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
