i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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