I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize