Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
