I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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