peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
