He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sorry about my life...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
