Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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