just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
