There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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