i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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