I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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