Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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