My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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