I'm lost and stupid without you.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
