just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
